Worried about a parent's memory?
How to help when you notice a change
Adult children are often the first to notice changes in a parent’s memory.
Being concerned about someone you love can put you in a difficult position. You want to help without making your mom or dad feel judged, frightened or as though they are losing independence.
The goal is to gather information to help start a conversation and help your parent take the next step, if needed.
What changes matter?
While occasional forgetfulness is a normal part of aging, persistent or increasing changes are worth more attention.
You might notice your parent:
- Repeats questions or stories more frequently
- Has increasing difficulty remembering recent conversations
- Repeatedly misses appointments or important dates
- Has trouble following familiar routines
- Struggles to find familiar words
- Becomes more dependent on others for tasks they previously handled independently
- Seems noticeably different from their usual self when it comes to remembering or thinking
Monitoring memory from home
One of the simplest ways to begin is by establishing a cognitive baseline.
Memory Exam is a 10 – 15 minute verbal assessment that can be taken from home. Your parent answers questions by voice, following clear spoken instructions.
The results provide a snapshot of their cognitive health today and a baseline that can be used to track changes over time.
That can be useful when you’re wondering:
- Has my parent’s memory changed?
- How can we keep track of changes over time?
- What should I tell their doctor?
Memory Exam is a screening tool, not a diagnosis. It sets a baseline and provides useful information for a more informed conversation with your parent’s doctor or healthcare provider.
Talking about memory testing
Start the conversation with curiosity and care.
If you’re bringing up the idea of an assessment, start with what you’ve noticed and what you would like to understand better.
Instead of saying:
“I think you’re having memory problems.”
you could try:
“I’ve noticed you’ve had a few more things to keep track of lately. Would you be open to taking a quick memory assessment so we have a baseline?”
or:
“I’d like both of us to have a better sense of where things stand with your cognitive health. Would you be open to taking a screening at home? It only takes about 10 – 15 minutes.”
Think of the assessment as a simple first step toward understanding where things stand today.
A few things that can help
Choose a calm moment.
Bring it up when you and your parent have time to talk without distractions or pressure.
Talk about your observations.
Share the specific things you’ve noticed and why they caught your attention.
Keep the focus on staying informed.
A baseline gives you a starting point you can return to over time.
Give your parent a say.
Include your parent in the decision and let them choose when they’re ready to take the exam.
Where to go next
When your parent is ready, you can send the exam as a gift.
You may also want the early warning signs checklist to help describe what you have noticed, or how the exam works if you are wondering what your parent will be asked to do.